You Sell Like A Second Grader

Let's Be Honest

One of the coolest things about writing articles is the surprise of which ones "take off." Yesterday's post, Are You Checking In? about how silly it is for salespeople to "just check in" was the most popular ever. One of my best friends, Bobby who happens to be the GM of a luxury car dealership told me, "I used to call and just ask if they want to buy something yet so I could make a commission." Honesty. What a novel thought.

Let's face it, prospects know we make money off a sale. So why not acknowledge the 800 pound gorilla? They know it, you know it, why not just come out with it? Fact is Bobby moved a ton of cars to sophisticated luxury buyers when he was on the floor. We're talking rides that could run well over six figures. The buyers have bullshit meters set on 11. Schlocky closing techniques would be sniffed out like a second grader on fresh baked cookies.

No matter what the buyer, corporate or personal, they recognize that people get paid for what they do. Trust is one of the main motivators to a sale. Any sense of dishonesty will kill it. Most of the time, I would argue, prospects are looking for a reason to weed you out. Kind of like a job interview. So why not get the whole commission thing out there?

Being refreshingly honest and upfront makes you stand out from the crowd. It gives you a weapon to take advantage of the countless salespeople who Sell From A Throne of Lies and employ the Slimy Close. (You can read my thoughts on those by clicking either link.)  After all the BS, think how nice it would be for someone to say, "Hey, have you made a decision yet? You know, I do get paid if you say yes!" instead of "I'm just checking in."

Like I say to my second grade son. No matter what, always be honest, especially if someone asks you a question. Many times we seem to forget that lesson as adults and sadly as adults who sell.

Are You "Checking In?"

The car salesman strikes again. Last time one inspired me to write "Car Salesman Cold Call."  This latest guy made me realize just how silly it sounds to tell a prospect you are "checking in." Bet you say that, too. What does "just checking in" mean anyway? Have you ever stopped to think about it?

I have and I still can't figure it out. Checking in on what exactly? "Checking in" is something you do at the gym, or a security desk but checking in with a prospect? Nope.  What "checking in" really means when a salesperson says it is, "I have nothing better to say, so I will say "I'm checking in."

Synonym for checking in? Being a pain in the ass. Kind of like a second grader saying "please" a million times at the check out line after you say "no" to candy. It just gets old. It grates on your nerves. It eventually pisses you off.

Step back for a second and think about how many clueless salespeople call prospects to "check in." Lots! And you wonder why prospects won't take salesperson calls? Because 99% of the time, the calls are a useless waste of time.

Instead of checking in, why not call with something helpful, thoughtful or original. Be a breath of fresh air. Make prospects happy you aren't some numbskull "checking in." Don't sell like a second grader begging for candy at the check out line. Sell like someone with knowledge and skill. And you will sell more, champ!

 

Do Your Homework Dumb Ass!

Second graders hate homework almost as much as doing chores. Most of the time because they just can't see the point, even though homework is very important. Adults don't like it much either. But in sales, homework is vital. Are you a dumb ass who doesn't do it?

The homework reminder was delivered by one of my favorite things in the world--a cold call! This one was from a company selling e-mail campaigns. Well, guess what the company I work for does? Create content marketing, including email campaigns!

When I asked the guy if he had done his homework, he said, "Well, I know you are McMurry Publishing and you are publishers." True!  If we were talking say 2002 or so. Now, we are a comprehensive contentent marketing company encompassing print, interactive, video, SEO you name it. He had no idea. And while it may be harsh to call him a dumb ass, he was for sure lazy.

The other thing he asked was if I remembered the email he had sent.  Really? How many emails do you get every day? Of those how many do you remember? What about the ones from self-serving salespeople who only care about themselves? That's right, ZERO.

"No champ, I don't remember your email."

Homework doesn't have to take long. In just 10 seconds he could have gone to our website and learned volumes just by glancing at the home page. But he didn't. In a few minutes, he could have thought of something smart and interesting to say rather than remind me of an email that looked like hundreds of sales pitches. But he didn't. And he didn't get the sale. Fact is, he should have never made the call.

So many salespeople tell me that with the pressure of calling quotas they can't take the time to do their homework. Why managers come up with arbitrary sales goals, and dials is a whole nother story you can read here. Having "no time" is a lame excuse. People make time for what they want to do.

If you want to sell, you must find time to do your homework. If that means, making notes about the next day's calls after hours, then do it. If that means making a few less calls for the sake of quality, do it. Better yet, do both.

 

Pizza Hut Sells Right

Yeah, this is the second time I've written about pizza and sales. And just like "Pizza Seals the Sale" this story is about servant selling. Pizza Hut's new ad campaign featuring real employees is a 30 second gem of sales training.

The basis of the commercial isn't features and pricing. It's about caring. It features employees who talk about why they care about the food they make, serve and deliver. They say things like, "This isn't a pizza, its something that brings your family together" or "this isn't pasta its comfort after a hard day at work." In otherwords they are making an emotional connection to the product rather than try to play the "lowest price" game. Unfortunately Pizza Hut doesn't have their commercial on-line so you will have to catch it on TV.

In the world of fast food the campaign is nothing short of revolutionary. Food commercials out there are all about $0.99 meals here or two free toppings there. No real value, just price. With their new ad campagin, Pizza Hut steps above the fray and establishes themselves as something more than quick food. "The Hut" positions themselves as caring and making a connection to the true nature of their product and personal effect on the people who buy it.

If we all didn't sell this way. Oh, the money we would make! Second graders really care about how people feel and it works for them. This fades away when we are adults, especially adults who sell. We are pressured to "sell something", get a certain number of calls and make numbers and most of the time with piss poor training.

99 out of 100 of the sales communications I get are about product and price and have nothing to do with our company's needs, let alone my personal needs. Just like cheese on pizza, there's always a personal need no matter what you are selling.  Yes, even if the sale is to a corporation.

One of the first things I ask my team and myself when making a pitch is "what is a compelling reason for them to personally buy?  What is the emotional connection?"  If you don't make that emotional, personal connection, you aren't going to sell that much, champ.

Pizza Hut gets it right, simply by showing they understand what their product really means to people. It's not cheap food, it's an emotional connection. There's an old saying in sales that people don't buy drills because they want a drill, they buy a drill because they need to make a hole. Just like people buy pizza because they have a bunch of kids they want to make happy, or whatever.

Make the emotional connection with your prospects like a second grader and you will serve up some tasty sales.

The Slimy Close

One of the joys of being in a sales leadership role is all the cold calls you get. Slap VP on the end of your name and BAM! cold call central. Cold calls are a fascinating (perhaps sick) interest of mine. Truth is I think most salespeople are horrible at them no matter by phone, letters or email. The worst cold call is the "slimy close."

Before I get to that, if you want five tips for better cold calls, check out my blog post, here.  Okay...back to the story.

My experience with the slimy close comes like clockwork each quarter. The call is from some firm selling an overpriced sales training newsletter. It goes something like this: "Hi, since you are in charge of the sales team, we would like to send you and every memeber of your team a copy of our great sales training newsletter FREE for two months. Then we will simply send you a letter asking if you want to continue."

Sounds pretty good until you get into the details of the offer. Yes, boys and girls, this is one of those deals where accepting the "free copies" signs you up for a year...unless you cancel (even though you never subscribed) If you don't check off cancel on that follow up letter, the newsletter company automatically signs you and every member of your team up for a year at several hundred a pop. The "salesperson" grudgingly shared that information after some questioning.

To say the people hawking this crap are sales professionals is an affront to the sales profession. The fact that it comes from a newsletter company selling "sales training" makes it even worse. And if you direct your sales team to do the same or if you personally sell like that, then news flash, you aren't in sales. Better yet, do us all a favor and get the hell out, slimy closes give us all a bad name.

Think about what kind of message the slimy close sends? Does it send the message that a company believes in its products? How about that the training will really pay off? Heck no! What it does say is: our product is so awful that we con you into buying it.

If companies like that had any guts, and the salespeople employed by them had any skill, they would send samples as a true gift. It all goes back to being a servant seller. You serve. People buy.  Not only do they buy, they really want to buy from you, because you have set yourself apart by not resorting to the slimy close. Serve your prospects, and you will prosper!

 

Dog for Sale

My son Wyatt and I spotted her right when we walked into PetSmart. A small German Shepard, up for adoption. We knew two things: 1) we really wanted the dog. 2) it was going to take a heck of a sales job to convince mom. And that meant my son had to break a bad second-grade habit, proto.

Like any sale there were objections to overcome. Since we already had a maltise-poodle that didn't shed or have an odor at all, my wife was anti "real dog." Plus she didn't think the house or yard could handle a loping German Shepard.

But we had compelling reasons to make the sale. It would teach my son responsibility, the dog would be a great "running buddy" and she would guard the house while I was on business trips, and more importantly I wouldn't look like a pansy during "take your dog to work day." How could could she resist?

The sell was on! Push too hard and I knew my wife would say, "NO!" and that would be it. So I told Wyatt to make his case about taking care of the dog and dad getting a "real dog" then drop it, which is the polar opposite of what comes natural to second graders. As you may know, they will nag you to death.

Its not unlike many salespeople who want to get a deal done. Rather than let the prospect think on it and come to their own conclusions, salespeople "check in", "say hello," or "ask if everything is okay" until a prospect is sick of them. In other words, salespeople bug the hell out of prospects and many times ruin their chances right when a prospect is about to buy.

Look, people don't want to be pressured. And even the hint of it can make deals as stinky as a rescue dog. The reason badgering a prospect kills deals is because it says loud and clear "THIS IS ABOUT ME! NOT ABOUT YOU!"  Giving prospects space to make a decision shows tremendous restraint and respect. It wins deals.

That's exactly what happened with the German Shepard. Wyatt kept his mouth shut. He gave useful answers when his mom questioned him about taking care of the dog and all the things he would do. Then he offered to help by paying for the adoption fee--akin to a salesperson promising they will be there every step of the way when a client comes on board.

And guess what? By not being a nagging second grader, Wyatt got the dog. Back off and you will close more deals, too.

 

You're On This Side of the Dirt

You know what your job is? It's not selling or closing. It's not "making your numbers." Nope, your job is quite simply making people happy. Forget sales systems--this is the easiest and most effective way to bring in the Benjamins. Second graders intuitively want people to be happy. You should genuinely want that, too.

Sadly, I wasn't smart enough to figure this out on my own. Come to think of it, that goes for most things! Nope, a very patient boss taught me this. Most of the bosses I talk about were horrible!!! This one has and does leave a lasting impression on me.

Chris McMurry, the CEO of the company I work for, McMurry, follows the principles of great teachers. He's a servant leader like I outlined in my last post Sweet Revenge. Now don't go thinking its brown nose time, because its not. But the proof is in the pudding: McMurry was named a top five best place to work the fifth year in a row. McMurry also consistently grows. That says something about how employees are treated and a lot of it has to to with simply making them happy. 

Like many of us, I used to say, "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to make money!" Remorseless head hunter and proud of it while at the same time thinking prospects would never see that "internal" side of me.  I could turn on the charm, baby!  After a few unfortunate internal incidents, Chris sat me down and said, "Your job is to make people happy. Period." 

Screw them! What about my needs! I thought. Yes, this was a strech for me. Honestly, it took a few years for me to figure it out (slow learner). Then the magic started to happen. Internal people were happy, it made me happy, and it showed to my prospects. Sales went up. Way up. 

Chris isn't just a boss, he's a teacher of happiness. He helped me become one. And you should become one, too. This in no way means we aren't serious about business and don't demand excellence. We do. But you don't have to be boorish either.

Making people happy doesn't mean you have to spend lavishly. Many times, it's the little things. Many times it's simply listening. Most of the time it's just being a positive person and putting things into perspective. Is a meeting really worth getting upset about? Where does it stand in the big picture? As my dad says, "Hey, I'm on this side of the dirt." 

Turning your job into making people happy isn't an easy road. You will stumble here and there, you will make mistakes. You will constantly have to work at it. Every now and then you will go back to your "damn the torpedos" ways. But making people happy is the key to your sales happiness. Dedicate yourself and people will be happy you are on "this side of the dirt," too. 

Sweet Revenge

Yeah, I know, last blog I wrote about Complex Donuts and now, yummy cupcakes and beer! But this is about Sweet Revenge, so deal with it!  :-)  Revenge can be sweet, can't it? Especially when its against a crappy sales environment and an abusive boss.

Maybe you have seen the Chase Ink commericials, featuring Marlo Scott, owner of Sweet Revenge, a fantastic cupcake, beer and wine bar in Greenwich Village, New York. Saturday I was in the village, googled dessert and walked into this great little spot for a cupcake and beer pairing, with no idea she was the sharp brunette in the commercials. I looked up and there she was!

 

Turns out Marlo was a salesperson at a major media company and according to her beating her numbers. I interview tons of people and am a subscriber to Malcom Gladwell's "Blink" theory. When you find an above average person, you just know. From what I could tell, Marlo is an A player. Frankly, she was sharp as hell.

So what happened to Marlo at the media company? Well, let's just say management was "interesting." So Marlo got motivated enough to work on her plan for a year and a half and get Sweet Revenge by breaking free. The catalist was corporate restructing and lay0ffs, including her. Good idea! Layoff a great sales producer. Marlo said they did her a favor.

Which brings me to the concept of leaders being servants. In previous posts (Flipping Burgers to Sales), you have read about how truly successful salespeople are servants to their prospects first, and sellers later. The only way for an entire sales team to adopt that attitude and blow out the "80/20" self-fulfilling prophecy that permiates sales teams is to have a capable servant leader, to set the example.

Serving people to get what you want is deep in culture and religion. Laotzu --his teachings are the basis of Philosophical Taoism--said this: "When the master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists. Next best is a leader who is loved. Next, one who is feared. The worst is one who is despised." He also said: "If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them. If you want to lead the people, you must learn how to follow them."

Another guy you might have heard of, Jesus, said this in Mark, 9:35: "Whoever wants to be first must place himself last of all and be the servant of all."

Of course you don't have to go all religous to find wisdom like this, although I would imagine Robert Greenleaf, had to know these philosophies when he wrote "The Power of Servant Leadership" (www.greenleaf.org).

Not in a leadership postiion? You should still study and embrace servant leadership. It will result in more sales for you. In a leadership position? Cast aside, the "80/20" BS, be the example of servant leadership, and find people who follow your philosophy. Treat your people well.

And if you are suffering under C player management, Get the hell out. Marlo says it was like a million pounds was lifted off of her. Now she is being the servant, having fun and making money, I imagine she was a servant seller when working for the media company as well.

Of course I'll be back for more Sweet Revenge next time I'm in NYC. You should say "Hi" to Marlo,too. You will be glad you did. Just don't make the mistake of trying to pay with American Express.

Complex donuts

How could learning landforms be so hard? A peninsula has water on three sides. An island water all around it. A plateau? Well, that's a flat piece of terrain that is high in elevation. And that's where my second-grade son started to glaze over like a Krispy Kreme Donut.

Terrain? Elevation? What the heck was that? Then his grandpa looked at him and said, "Just think of a plate. It's flat and sits high up on a table." The light bulb went off.

Grandpa had boiled down the technical jargon to something my son could understand. Its no coincidence that grandpa also sold quite a lot of motor oil, which you can read here.

Among other things, he had to boil down the jargon of oil to simple terms. Are you boiling down the jargon and selling like a second grader, or are you glazing over your audience?

Say you were selling donuts to someone who had never heard of them. Would you describe the process of making them like this: its a pastry that consists of flour,baking soda,nutmeg,salt,eggs,some sugar,unsalted butter that you melt,milk,and some vanilla. You mix all that up while you are heading oil to no more than 375 degrees, because you want to fry them but not to much...

Or would you say: look, I don't know exactly how they make the batter or the glaze. But what I do know is that they are so good, people will line up to get a hot one. It's like nothing you have ever had, fried warm, sweet, all at the same time. You'll love them.

Which pitch would make you buy? The second one of course. Then why do so many salespeople drop into technical sales speak like the first pitch? Why do they "show up and throw up?" I think it's first a crutch and second because most salespeople show up ill prepared. They are still in the mindset of "activity leads to sales" and forget that quality is just as or more important than quantity.

Aside from that, there's only so much a prospect, or anyone can process. Cognitive overload is very real, so your pitch needs to be boiled down to he most basic compelling components. Kind of like we explained plateau to my son.

Are adults no smarter than second graders? Of course not! Our brains can handle far more, but that's the problem. We are so overloaded with info, that when there's too much hitting us the old noggin goes into hibernate as if coming off a donut fueled sugar high.

What is the easiest and most compelling way you can explain what you sell to a particular prospect? What will stick in their mind? What is the big problem you will solve for them? What is the least you can say to make them drool?

Doing this takes hard work learning about your prospect. It takes great questioning prior to your meeting. And it takes showing up with specific solutions that are easy to understand.

It also takes tossing your product knowledge crutch aside and boiling down your message down to something a second grader or overwhelmed adult can remember.

A general manager once told me that when it came to video editing equipment which can be very complex all he wanted to know was, "will my staff like it. Will it break if someone spills a Coke in it and does it come in red." That way, he could get is busy mind around it and make a decision.

Break down your product so a second grader can understand it, and you will be on your way to more sales. Now go get some donuts. You deserve one!

Activity Leads to Sales?

My 40th birthday was frightening. After consistently ragging on everyone in the office who crossed that threshold, man did my team deliver by capitalizing on my inexplicable fear of clowns. Not only was there clown stuff all over my office on my birthday, but there were 3-d pictures of the team dressed like scary clowns! At lunch, the team wore the same scary clown masks.  CRAP!

Nightmares would be mine! Then they gave me a cool gift to remind me of the nightmares salespeople have. A vintage, "sales activity board." Activity Leads to Success. Its such a mantra in so many sales organizations and just as silly as my fear of clowns.

Just who invented the sales saying, "its a numbers game?" Probably the same tool who came up with "Activity Leads to Success?" It's clear from the white board that "activity" means dials. So, let me get this straight: all salespeople have to do is make lots of calls any calls and they will get sales? According to these sales geniuses, yes.

Reminds me of the book "The Wolf of Wall Street" in which Jordan Belfort outlines how he would give salespeople the "mirror test." If there was breath on a mirror, Mr. Belfort would hire them. This is the essence of "Activity Leads to Success" because even the worst salesperson can get a few if they bang away at it long enough. Sure, Mr. Belfort trained them in his closing techniques, but some would close far more than others. Bet the 80/20 rule applied there, big time.

So where do you want to be?  The 80 or the 20?  And why do companies accept that 80/20 nonsense? It's one of the biggest self-fulfilling prophecies in sales. "Well, 80 percent of the sales will come from 20 percent of salespeople.  That's just the way it is." What are we selling or talking about the US tax code?

The problem with "Activity Leads to Success" is that it puts too much emphasis on throwing up numbers and not enough emphasis on the activity of honing a quality message, the skills to deliver it and close the deal. Guess what gentile salespeople, that takes time and hard work. The time salespeople waste just being "active" and trying to hit dreamed up dial numbers.

As outlined in my last blog, sales managers dream these numbers up so they can have an illusion of control. Instead, managers should dream up ways to improve your skills and the solutions you offer. They should find a balance between "dialing" and delivering.

There's more blame to go around regarding, "its a numbers game" than just to sales managers. Sales people are to blame too for not having the guts to buck the numbers game nonsense and being too lazy to improve their skills. Leads are too precious to waste with with poorly planned pitches, lack of prospect knowledge and something original to say. If your manager isn't helping you, that's no excuse not to help yourself, kiddo.

I promise you the "20 percent" helps themself. The "20 percent" most likely abandon the sales script, record calls to improve (game tape), and immerse themselves in the business and desires of their prospects. Maybe selling securities, or in Belfort's case fake securities, doesn't lend itself to such techniques. But if you're in B2B, even other consumer sales it sure does.

What would you rather do? Show lots of dials or spend a little more time with each dial to lock down quality and have a better chance to close? Most second graders follow rules without question. Don't sell like one. And for goodness sake, don't ever get a clowns at your birthday party!