You Sell Like A Second Grader

Are You "Checking In?"

The car salesman strikes again. Last time one inspired me to write "Car Salesman Cold Call."  This latest guy made me realize just how silly it sounds to tell a prospect you are "checking in." Bet you say that, too. What does "just checking in" mean anyway? Have you ever stopped to think about it?

I have and I still can't figure it out. Checking in on what exactly? "Checking in" is something you do at the gym, or a security desk but checking in with a prospect? Nope.  What "checking in" really means when a salesperson says it is, "I have nothing better to say, so I will say "I'm checking in."

Synonym for checking in? Being a pain in the ass. Kind of like a second grader saying "please" a million times at the check out line after you say "no" to candy. It just gets old. It grates on your nerves. It eventually pisses you off.

Step back for a second and think about how many clueless salespeople call prospects to "check in." Lots! And you wonder why prospects won't take salesperson calls? Because 99% of the time, the calls are a useless waste of time.

Instead of checking in, why not call with something helpful, thoughtful or original. Be a breath of fresh air. Make prospects happy you aren't some numbskull "checking in." Don't sell like a second grader begging for candy at the check out line. Sell like someone with knowledge and skill. And you will sell more, champ!

 

Do Your Homework Dumb Ass!

Second graders hate homework almost as much as doing chores. Most of the time because they just can't see the point, even though homework is very important. Adults don't like it much either. But in sales, homework is vital. Are you a dumb ass who doesn't do it?

The homework reminder was delivered by one of my favorite things in the world--a cold call! This one was from a company selling e-mail campaigns. Well, guess what the company I work for does? Create content marketing, including email campaigns!

When I asked the guy if he had done his homework, he said, "Well, I know you are McMurry Publishing and you are publishers." True!  If we were talking say 2002 or so. Now, we are a comprehensive contentent marketing company encompassing print, interactive, video, SEO you name it. He had no idea. And while it may be harsh to call him a dumb ass, he was for sure lazy.

The other thing he asked was if I remembered the email he had sent.  Really? How many emails do you get every day? Of those how many do you remember? What about the ones from self-serving salespeople who only care about themselves? That's right, ZERO.

"No champ, I don't remember your email."

Homework doesn't have to take long. In just 10 seconds he could have gone to our website and learned volumes just by glancing at the home page. But he didn't. In a few minutes, he could have thought of something smart and interesting to say rather than remind me of an email that looked like hundreds of sales pitches. But he didn't. And he didn't get the sale. Fact is, he should have never made the call.

So many salespeople tell me that with the pressure of calling quotas they can't take the time to do their homework. Why managers come up with arbitrary sales goals, and dials is a whole nother story you can read here. Having "no time" is a lame excuse. People make time for what they want to do.

If you want to sell, you must find time to do your homework. If that means, making notes about the next day's calls after hours, then do it. If that means making a few less calls for the sake of quality, do it. Better yet, do both.

 

Pizza Hut Sells Right

Yeah, this is the second time I've written about pizza and sales. And just like "Pizza Seals the Sale" this story is about servant selling. Pizza Hut's new ad campaign featuring real employees is a 30 second gem of sales training.

The basis of the commercial isn't features and pricing. It's about caring. It features employees who talk about why they care about the food they make, serve and deliver. They say things like, "This isn't a pizza, its something that brings your family together" or "this isn't pasta its comfort after a hard day at work." In otherwords they are making an emotional connection to the product rather than try to play the "lowest price" game. Unfortunately Pizza Hut doesn't have their commercial on-line so you will have to catch it on TV.

In the world of fast food the campaign is nothing short of revolutionary. Food commercials out there are all about $0.99 meals here or two free toppings there. No real value, just price. With their new ad campagin, Pizza Hut steps above the fray and establishes themselves as something more than quick food. "The Hut" positions themselves as caring and making a connection to the true nature of their product and personal effect on the people who buy it.

If we all didn't sell this way. Oh, the money we would make! Second graders really care about how people feel and it works for them. This fades away when we are adults, especially adults who sell. We are pressured to "sell something", get a certain number of calls and make numbers and most of the time with piss poor training.

99 out of 100 of the sales communications I get are about product and price and have nothing to do with our company's needs, let alone my personal needs. Just like cheese on pizza, there's always a personal need no matter what you are selling.  Yes, even if the sale is to a corporation.

One of the first things I ask my team and myself when making a pitch is "what is a compelling reason for them to personally buy?  What is the emotional connection?"  If you don't make that emotional, personal connection, you aren't going to sell that much, champ.

Pizza Hut gets it right, simply by showing they understand what their product really means to people. It's not cheap food, it's an emotional connection. There's an old saying in sales that people don't buy drills because they want a drill, they buy a drill because they need to make a hole. Just like people buy pizza because they have a bunch of kids they want to make happy, or whatever.

Make the emotional connection with your prospects like a second grader and you will serve up some tasty sales.

The Slimy Close

One of the joys of being in a sales leadership role is all the cold calls you get. Slap VP on the end of your name and BAM! cold call central. Cold calls are a fascinating (perhaps sick) interest of mine. Truth is I think most salespeople are horrible at them no matter by phone, letters or email. The worst cold call is the "slimy close."

Before I get to that, if you want five tips for better cold calls, check out my blog post, here.  Okay...back to the story.

My experience with the slimy close comes like clockwork each quarter. The call is from some firm selling an overpriced sales training newsletter. It goes something like this: "Hi, since you are in charge of the sales team, we would like to send you and every memeber of your team a copy of our great sales training newsletter FREE for two months. Then we will simply send you a letter asking if you want to continue."

Sounds pretty good until you get into the details of the offer. Yes, boys and girls, this is one of those deals where accepting the "free copies" signs you up for a year...unless you cancel (even though you never subscribed) If you don't check off cancel on that follow up letter, the newsletter company automatically signs you and every member of your team up for a year at several hundred a pop. The "salesperson" grudgingly shared that information after some questioning.

To say the people hawking this crap are sales professionals is an affront to the sales profession. The fact that it comes from a newsletter company selling "sales training" makes it even worse. And if you direct your sales team to do the same or if you personally sell like that, then news flash, you aren't in sales. Better yet, do us all a favor and get the hell out, slimy closes give us all a bad name.

Think about what kind of message the slimy close sends? Does it send the message that a company believes in its products? How about that the training will really pay off? Heck no! What it does say is: our product is so awful that we con you into buying it.

If companies like that had any guts, and the salespeople employed by them had any skill, they would send samples as a true gift. It all goes back to being a servant seller. You serve. People buy.  Not only do they buy, they really want to buy from you, because you have set yourself apart by not resorting to the slimy close. Serve your prospects, and you will prosper!

 

Dog for Sale

My son Wyatt and I spotted her right when we walked into PetSmart. A small German Shepard, up for adoption. We knew two things: 1) we really wanted the dog. 2) it was going to take a heck of a sales job to convince mom. And that meant my son had to break a bad second-grade habit, proto.

Like any sale there were objections to overcome. Since we already had a maltise-poodle that didn't shed or have an odor at all, my wife was anti "real dog." Plus she didn't think the house or yard could handle a loping German Shepard.

But we had compelling reasons to make the sale. It would teach my son responsibility, the dog would be a great "running buddy" and she would guard the house while I was on business trips, and more importantly I wouldn't look like a pansy during "take your dog to work day." How could could she resist?

The sell was on! Push too hard and I knew my wife would say, "NO!" and that would be it. So I told Wyatt to make his case about taking care of the dog and dad getting a "real dog" then drop it, which is the polar opposite of what comes natural to second graders. As you may know, they will nag you to death.

Its not unlike many salespeople who want to get a deal done. Rather than let the prospect think on it and come to their own conclusions, salespeople "check in", "say hello," or "ask if everything is okay" until a prospect is sick of them. In other words, salespeople bug the hell out of prospects and many times ruin their chances right when a prospect is about to buy.

Look, people don't want to be pressured. And even the hint of it can make deals as stinky as a rescue dog. The reason badgering a prospect kills deals is because it says loud and clear "THIS IS ABOUT ME! NOT ABOUT YOU!"  Giving prospects space to make a decision shows tremendous restraint and respect. It wins deals.

That's exactly what happened with the German Shepard. Wyatt kept his mouth shut. He gave useful answers when his mom questioned him about taking care of the dog and all the things he would do. Then he offered to help by paying for the adoption fee--akin to a salesperson promising they will be there every step of the way when a client comes on board.

And guess what? By not being a nagging second grader, Wyatt got the dog. Back off and you will close more deals, too.

 

You're On This Side of the Dirt

You know what your job is? It's not selling or closing. It's not "making your numbers." Nope, your job is quite simply making people happy. Forget sales systems--this is the easiest and most effective way to bring in the Benjamins. Second graders intuitively want people to be happy. You should genuinely want that, too.

Sadly, I wasn't smart enough to figure this out on my own. Come to think of it, that goes for most things! Nope, a very patient boss taught me this. Most of the bosses I talk about were horrible!!! This one has and does leave a lasting impression on me.

Chris McMurry, the CEO of the company I work for, McMurry, follows the principles of great teachers. He's a servant leader like I outlined in my last post Sweet Revenge. Now don't go thinking its brown nose time, because its not. But the proof is in the pudding: McMurry was named a top five best place to work the fifth year in a row. McMurry also consistently grows. That says something about how employees are treated and a lot of it has to to with simply making them happy. 

Like many of us, I used to say, "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to make money!" Remorseless head hunter and proud of it while at the same time thinking prospects would never see that "internal" side of me.  I could turn on the charm, baby!  After a few unfortunate internal incidents, Chris sat me down and said, "Your job is to make people happy. Period." 

Screw them! What about my needs! I thought. Yes, this was a strech for me. Honestly, it took a few years for me to figure it out (slow learner). Then the magic started to happen. Internal people were happy, it made me happy, and it showed to my prospects. Sales went up. Way up. 

Chris isn't just a boss, he's a teacher of happiness. He helped me become one. And you should become one, too. This in no way means we aren't serious about business and don't demand excellence. We do. But you don't have to be boorish either.

Making people happy doesn't mean you have to spend lavishly. Many times, it's the little things. Many times it's simply listening. Most of the time it's just being a positive person and putting things into perspective. Is a meeting really worth getting upset about? Where does it stand in the big picture? As my dad says, "Hey, I'm on this side of the dirt." 

Turning your job into making people happy isn't an easy road. You will stumble here and there, you will make mistakes. You will constantly have to work at it. Every now and then you will go back to your "damn the torpedos" ways. But making people happy is the key to your sales happiness. Dedicate yourself and people will be happy you are on "this side of the dirt," too. 

Sweet Revenge

Yeah, I know, last blog I wrote about Complex Donuts and now, yummy cupcakes and beer! But this is about Sweet Revenge, so deal with it!  :-)  Revenge can be sweet, can't it? Especially when its against a crappy sales environment and an abusive boss.

Maybe you have seen the Chase Ink commericials, featuring Marlo Scott, owner of Sweet Revenge, a fantastic cupcake, beer and wine bar in Greenwich Village, New York. Saturday I was in the village, googled dessert and walked into this great little spot for a cupcake and beer pairing, with no idea she was the sharp brunette in the commercials. I looked up and there she was!

 

Turns out Marlo was a salesperson at a major media company and according to her beating her numbers. I interview tons of people and am a subscriber to Malcom Gladwell's "Blink" theory. When you find an above average person, you just know. From what I could tell, Marlo is an A player. Frankly, she was sharp as hell.

So what happened to Marlo at the media company? Well, let's just say management was "interesting." So Marlo got motivated enough to work on her plan for a year and a half and get Sweet Revenge by breaking free. The catalist was corporate restructing and lay0ffs, including her. Good idea! Layoff a great sales producer. Marlo said they did her a favor.

Which brings me to the concept of leaders being servants. In previous posts (Flipping Burgers to Sales), you have read about how truly successful salespeople are servants to their prospects first, and sellers later. The only way for an entire sales team to adopt that attitude and blow out the "80/20" self-fulfilling prophecy that permiates sales teams is to have a capable servant leader, to set the example.

Serving people to get what you want is deep in culture and religion. Laotzu --his teachings are the basis of Philosophical Taoism--said this: "When the master governs, the people are hardly aware that he exists. Next best is a leader who is loved. Next, one who is feared. The worst is one who is despised." He also said: "If you want to govern the people, you must place yourself below them. If you want to lead the people, you must learn how to follow them."

Another guy you might have heard of, Jesus, said this in Mark, 9:35: "Whoever wants to be first must place himself last of all and be the servant of all."

Of course you don't have to go all religous to find wisdom like this, although I would imagine Robert Greenleaf, had to know these philosophies when he wrote "The Power of Servant Leadership" (www.greenleaf.org).

Not in a leadership postiion? You should still study and embrace servant leadership. It will result in more sales for you. In a leadership position? Cast aside, the "80/20" BS, be the example of servant leadership, and find people who follow your philosophy. Treat your people well.

And if you are suffering under C player management, Get the hell out. Marlo says it was like a million pounds was lifted off of her. Now she is being the servant, having fun and making money, I imagine she was a servant seller when working for the media company as well.

Of course I'll be back for more Sweet Revenge next time I'm in NYC. You should say "Hi" to Marlo,too. You will be glad you did. Just don't make the mistake of trying to pay with American Express.

Complex donuts

How could learning landforms be so hard? A peninsula has water on three sides. An island water all around it. A plateau? Well, that's a flat piece of terrain that is high in elevation. And that's where my second-grade son started to glaze over like a Krispy Kreme Donut.

Terrain? Elevation? What the heck was that? Then his grandpa looked at him and said, "Just think of a plate. It's flat and sits high up on a table." The light bulb went off.

Grandpa had boiled down the technical jargon to something my son could understand. Its no coincidence that grandpa also sold quite a lot of motor oil, which you can read here.

Among other things, he had to boil down the jargon of oil to simple terms. Are you boiling down the jargon and selling like a second grader, or are you glazing over your audience?

Say you were selling donuts to someone who had never heard of them. Would you describe the process of making them like this: its a pastry that consists of flour,baking soda,nutmeg,salt,eggs,some sugar,unsalted butter that you melt,milk,and some vanilla. You mix all that up while you are heading oil to no more than 375 degrees, because you want to fry them but not to much...

Or would you say: look, I don't know exactly how they make the batter or the glaze. But what I do know is that they are so good, people will line up to get a hot one. It's like nothing you have ever had, fried warm, sweet, all at the same time. You'll love them.

Which pitch would make you buy? The second one of course. Then why do so many salespeople drop into technical sales speak like the first pitch? Why do they "show up and throw up?" I think it's first a crutch and second because most salespeople show up ill prepared. They are still in the mindset of "activity leads to sales" and forget that quality is just as or more important than quantity.

Aside from that, there's only so much a prospect, or anyone can process. Cognitive overload is very real, so your pitch needs to be boiled down to he most basic compelling components. Kind of like we explained plateau to my son.

Are adults no smarter than second graders? Of course not! Our brains can handle far more, but that's the problem. We are so overloaded with info, that when there's too much hitting us the old noggin goes into hibernate as if coming off a donut fueled sugar high.

What is the easiest and most compelling way you can explain what you sell to a particular prospect? What will stick in their mind? What is the big problem you will solve for them? What is the least you can say to make them drool?

Doing this takes hard work learning about your prospect. It takes great questioning prior to your meeting. And it takes showing up with specific solutions that are easy to understand.

It also takes tossing your product knowledge crutch aside and boiling down your message down to something a second grader or overwhelmed adult can remember.

A general manager once told me that when it came to video editing equipment which can be very complex all he wanted to know was, "will my staff like it. Will it break if someone spills a Coke in it and does it come in red." That way, he could get is busy mind around it and make a decision.

Break down your product so a second grader can understand it, and you will be on your way to more sales. Now go get some donuts. You deserve one!

Illusion of Sales Goals

Last week I had lunch with a marketing big wig for a major company. She deals with thousands of salespeople and wondered, like I do, why managers seem to toss out arbitrary goals for salespeople to hit. A lot of times, these numbers have no rhyme or reason. Truly it seems as if management has nothing better to do but think up hoops for salespeople to jump through. Check out the YouTube video below. It takes a fun, profane but sadly accurate look at how many salespeople feel, and how managers make confounding crap up. If you haven't seen this video, you are sure to enjoy!

So why do managers, owners or other sales directors come up with nebular commission plans and strange sales targets? They may say it has to do with increasing performance, but it really has to do with an illusion of control.

Sure, they say its to "motivate" and push you to the next level. After all, the guy in the video, "could have closed 86%", instead of 85%. But let's face it, its all a mind fuck not for you, but so the manager can feel like they are actually doing something. Numbers are the simply the crutch of the illusion of control.

Illusion of control basically means that people think they can control things that they really can't. It's a close cousin to superstition and you can see it prevalent at craps tables, lotto numbers and oh yeah, arbitrary sales targets. People think they can toss a six at craps by tapping on the table or blowing on the dice. Others think they have a better chance of winning the lottery if they choose the numbers as opposed to having them randomly assigned, even though the odds are exactly the same no matter which method is used.

Then there's the sales mangers with the illusion that they can control you and results by tossing out numbers and systems. Yes, I know, goals help people achieve greater things. I'm bought in. However many if not most managers take it too far. We're talking statements like: "Sales need to improve 10% Great Recession or not." "Numbers need to go up 20 percent every year." Even though the number of prospects or the territory shrinks. Or even worse, changing the sales commissions when those targets are hit. 

Is it illusion of control or delusion of control? One way or the other sales managers want to feel like they are trying to control you. And the numbers managers toss out have no basis in well, anything. Here's the deal, though: managers think if they don't toss out numbers and arbitrarily raise quotas people won't perform. The dynamic sales leaders (much different than a manager) motivate without the mumbo-jumbo. They motivate without the illusion of control.

Look, there's nothing wrong with setting goals or outlining expectations.  And yes, numbers do come into play, but there must be a logical reason behind them. It can't be just because someone decided that it should be that way, and for goodness sake, commissions don't have to be a shell game.

What's wrong with laying it all out to salespeople? Companies make investments in you. To make a return on investment, you must sell x dollars of product. Otherwise why have you around? Successful salespeople have averaged, x number of calls to make that happen. The more the company makes on you, the more you make as a salesperson...in real pay, not BS gift cards and incentive trips. How hard is that?

Apparently very hard. Because most salespeople tell me they are on the other side of the old man wearing the glasses. Companies should get smart, get rid of the assistant sales managers and sales managers who manipulate numbers to garner the illusion of control. Easily eight out of ten would go.

Then change commissions to something straightforward and honest. Forget the gold stars. Yes, we sell like second graders but it doesn't mean we have to be rewarded like trusted adults. Salespeople will sell more and no one will get stabbed in the neck with a letter opener.

Beware of Piranhas

I knew the movie trailer would freak my son out. Piranha 3D! Blood thirsty fish attack hotties just trying to have a little fun.

He's 8, so that 30 second spot was all it took to make him believe killer fish were in every body of water. "They're only in the Amazon you dork," his older sister said, but the boy couldn't be swayed. Piranha were lurking everywhere. "Piranha" are lurking in your sales waters, too.

What could be your sales piranha? I don't know, you tell me. What do you believe so strongly that you make it true? It could be that your territory sucks, or that sales always take a long time, or that you just can't break into a certain company. The worst thing about sales piranhas is that they tend to multiply with age.

Yep, the old war horses create lots of piranhas. I once heard a grizzled salesman tell a new kid that Florida was "tapped out." What did the new sales kid do? Sell the shit out of Florida. Others have said at certain verticals were dead, and a new kid came in and kicked ass.

What's different about the new kids? Ignorance. Ignorance, to the fake piranhas that others have made real in their minds. Before my son saw that stupid commercial he would jump in a lake or river and go nuts. Now, he always asks if there are killer fish within, and I have to assure him it's all pretend. Still, he doesn't believe me until he puts on a mask and checks for himself.

To make make more sales, you need to put on a mask and check under the water. You do that by actively attacking your piranhas. Think Florida is "tapped out?" Go after it. Think a vertical is dead? Prove yourself wrong. Otherwise a new kid is going to show up and really eat you alive. Besides, you dork, piranhas are only in the Amazon.